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I have done no worse, I have not disgraced you. But if you ask me
whether I have loved him, or do love him, I tell you plainly, father,
that it may be so. I don t know! She took her hands suddenly from
his shoulders and pressed them both upon her side; while in her
face, not like itself- and in her figure, drawn up, resolute to finish
by a last effort what she had to say- the feelings long suppressed
broke loose.
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This night, my husband being away, he has been with me,
declaring himself my lover. This minute he expects me, for I could
release myself of his presence by no other means. I do not know
that I am sorry, I do not know that I am ashamed, I do not know
that I am degraded in my own esteem. All that I know is, your
philosophy and your teaching will not save me. Now, father, you
have brought me to this. Save me by some other means! He
tightened his hold in time to prevent her sinking on the floor, but
she cried out in a terrible voice, I shall die if you hold me! Let me
fall upon the ground! And he laid her down there, and saw the
pride of his heart and the triumph of his system, lying, an
insensible heap, at his feet.
178
BOOK THE THIRD
GARNERING
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CHAPTER 1
Another Thing Needful
LOUISA awoke from a torpor, and her eyes languidly opened on
her old bed at home, and her old room. It seemed, at first, as if all
that had happened since the days when these objects were familiar
to her were the shadows of a dream; but gradually, as the objects
became more real to her sight, the events became more real to her
mind.
She could scarcely move her head for pain and heaviness, her eyes
were strained and sore, and she was very weak. A curious passive
inattention had such possession of her, that the presence of her
little sister in the room did not attract her notice for some time.
Even when their eyes had met, and her sister had approached the
bed, Louisa lay for minutes looking at her in silence, and suffering
her timidly to hold her passive hand, before she asked: When
was I brought to this room? Last night, Louisa. Who brought me
here? Sissy, I believe. Why do you believe so? Because I found
her here this morning. She didn t come to my bedside to wake me,
as she always does; and I went to look for her. She was not in her
own room either; and I went looking for her all over the house,
until I found her here, taking care of you and cooling your head.
Will you see father? Sissy said I was to tell him when you woke.
What a beaming face you have, Jane! said Louisa, as her young
sister- timidly still- bent down to kiss her.
Have I? I am very glad you think so. I am sure it must be Sissy s
doing. The arm Louisa had begun to twine about her neck, unbent
itself. You can tell father, if you will. Then, staying her a moment,
she said, It was you who made my room so cheerful, and gave it
this look of welcome? Oh no, Louisa, it was done before I came. It
was- Louisa turned upon her pillow, and heard no more. When
her sister had withdrawn, she turned her head back again, and lay
with her face towards the door, until it opened and her father
entered.
He had a jaded anxious look upon him, and his hand, usually
steady, trembled in hers. He sat down at the side of the bed,
tenderly asking how she was, and dwelling on the necessity of her
keeping very quiet after her agitation and exposure to the weather
last night. He spoke in a subdued and troubled voice, very
different from his usual dictatorial manner; and was often at a loss
for words.
My dear Louisa. My poor daughter. He was so much at a loss at
that place, that he stopped altogether. He tried again.
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My unfortunate child. The place was so difficult to get over, that
he tried again.
It would be hopeless for me, Louisa, to endeavour to tell you how
overwhelmed I have been, and still am, by what broke upon me
last night. The ground on which I stand has ceased to be solid
under my feet. The only support on which I leaned, and the
strength of which it seemed and still does seem, impossible to
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